Sorry I've been gone awhile. If anyone's actually been reading this. Well, considering that it's the summer, I guess I'll post more-I promise :)
I'm in a conflict now that has started for everyone since they have been in preschool. It's called the "What do people think of me" complex. And it has caused everyone at least at one point to miss out on something that they were supposed to do. Less than a week ago, I was going to go to my sister's recognition ceremony, but didn't go out of fear that past teachers would think I'm weird because I'm older and the only older sibling there. See, where I live, there isn't a lot of 'family' gatherings for awards due to schoolwork, other sports, or just plain sibling apathy. So I didn't go because I was afraid of what man would think of me. Boy was I wrong and feel terrible. In fact, even one of my friends showed up. What a fool am I!
Fast forward to today. There's supposed to be swim practice today. But, the inside of my hips are sore from doing A TON of breaststroke and I am VERY out of shape. And a girl who isn't so nice is lifeguarding. Should I let her get in the way of my swimming? Or should I not care what she thinks and go? This is the most annoying dilemma. I can also make the excuse of how much pain I'm in. But that's just an excuse anyway. My mother told me to do whatever I want. I'm not even in the mood to go to practice. And I'm not letting her define me. I see her all the time. But aren't we supposed to not care what man thinks but care what God thinks? Well, it's surely much easier said than done. And there are times when it is right to avoid people not necessarily because of what man may think, but because man is mean. And isn't she mean? I really don't plan on having my self-image wiped out on her account. But she's seen me swim before several times. And before she became fast, she was really slow. And before she was mean, she was a loser at her school. So shall I go? Part of this has to do with "forcing." ("Forcing" will be for another blog post). "Forcing" is the crazy stuff I do when I force myself to do things that I don't want to do. For example, tomorrow I'm doing something that I don't want to do. I'm doing it because I heard it on Wednesday at youth group and thought it would be bad if I don't go. (Which brings us to yet another blog post on how we serve the world- are we doing it to serve God and better His Kingdom, or are we doing it because someone "said so"?) Well, I'll see if in the next hour and fifteen minutes I'll go. Nah-I'm helping my mom with dinner. And this isn't a cop-out. She told me to :)
But nevertheless, after the experience this past week, I will never care so much about what man thinks that I will not do something in fear of them. Because at the end of the day, unless you're being a sinner, being a jerkoff, being lazy, or being a bad example of character it doesn't matter what man thinks. It only matters what God thinks.
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