Thankfulness

After a stressful weekend of deciding whether I should celebrate Thanksgiving, or any other holidays, (I've recently found out that most holidays originated from Pagan traditions. However, searching throughout Google, I have come to the conclusion that if we aren't thinking about that aspect, then who cares? Our culture has changed so much that why should that even matter? It's like not getting treatment from a doctor because doctors did very little so long ago...anyway, that issue is for another day.) I have decided to celebrate Thanksgiving. But I have an issue.

I've recently discovered that I'm not truly thankful. Really, I'm not. I just go through every day with everything happening and it feels like I'm self-centered. Me me me me me. I want to do what I want and I'm thankful for what I have received. Yay!

It's almost like indirectly praying. I haven't felt that I've been actually praying to God lately. It feels like I've been praying indirectly to God. Like "Thank you God for helping ME on this test. Thank you for ME being able to do this" Me. Me. Me. And I'm tired of it.

It also seems that Thanksgiving has become a time of not so much being thankful, but a celebration of seeing who can shove the most food in your mouth. I guess I'm being cynical. But it just feels like this to me.

And, I want to be thankful and grateful all year around. Not just for three months out of the year. And I want to be truly thankful. I think that thankfulness involves being so grateful that joy just oozes out of you! And that has not been how I've been feeling. So I've decided to restart a gratitude journal (You can see how well I finish what I start ;-)) Every day, even if I don't feel it, I will write what I should be thankful for. And hopefully I can be grateful. Grateful that God loves me. Grateful for my wonderful home and community. Grateful for my health, my life, and friends.