Yes, I realize that I haven't posted in a seriously long time, and I doubt anyone's reading anything. Here's a piece that a wrote, but did not publish from a few months ago. 

3/20/2013

In which I get spiritually slapped

            It was after church and as we were leaving, my mentor and I began a conversation with a man who had been going through cancer for a few years. At the end of the conversation, she said “We’ll be praying for your healing,” and he replied, “I’m expecting it.”

            I went home and became concerned. “He’s expecting it? Well, what if it doesn’t happen and he dies? What will happen then?” Will he lose faith then?” I continued to think about it for a little while, and then I went on with my life, praying for him to be healed. And praying. And praying. Then, on Monday, I wondered what exactly he had said. “What were those words he said?” I thought. “I’m hoping for it, I’m asking for it?” For some reason the words he mentioned plagued my thoughts, as I could not find the right words. Then on Wednesday afternoon, I finally remembered the word. Expecting. “I’m expecting it.” And that, my friends, is how you spiritually slap me.

            I’ll be honest. I have a dreadfully small amount of faith. Whenever I pray, I say, “If it is in your will Lord, heal this person,” This is not to say that I do not believe that God has a will because He certainly does. However, I believe that we must be careful always asking if it is in His will. Of course He has a will. Why would we ever think that He could change it according to all of our wishes? Therefore, the right thing to do would be to ask for healing in full faith that God will heal, whether he does or not. What I’ve learned for the past few months is that faith is not dependent on if something good or bad happens. Faith is the complete trust in someone or something. And once again, I have been spiritually slapped. I’ll be honest once again. I do not trust in God. I said it. Perhaps because of the disappointments or the setbacks that whittle all of our faith away, but I do not trust Him. Maybe it is time that I trust Him so that I can grow in Him. Because that is what a relationship is all about. A relationship is a dialogue between one another that evolves upon trust. And trust cannot be formed unless one trusts another. God, please help me trust You more.

            So with this, my friends, let us not only pray for each other’s healing, but let us expect it. Expect and hope for the power of God to heal the sick, poor, and tired. Expect God to heal you and have faith that He will. Because without faith, it is impossible to please God.